“I’ve heard of you,” he said.
“Nothing good, I hope,” said Couch Face.
He had an imprisoned hero, who he kept also in his cellar.
Said the imprisoned hero to his torturer, “Don’t you have some pressing cool-guy errands to go to?”
“-No,” and killed him. Killed Manly Man. Instead of leaving said torture chamber for some bomb scheme on the moon*.
*(There are no stupid villains in this story. When they pull a gun on the hero, they don’t make friendly conversation with them. They just shoot. “Bye.” / “Bye.” / *Boom!*)
“Scream if you need anything.”
Actually, sorry. It wasn’t Manly Man. It only looked like him. It was his stunt double, as Manly Man wasn’t comfortable doing his own stunts, and his stunt double was caught and shot instead of Manly Man. It’s a bit confusing, isn’t it? I mean, if this were really a movie, Manly Man would be in no real harm of being captured by a fellow actor–
“You’re thinking too hard,” said Q-burt. “You’re ruining my book!”
“But I am Q-burt,” said Q-burt.
“No, you’re not,” said Q-burt. “You’re only my stunt double,” and shot him.
To the villain: You’re very unconvincing. You talk and you talk and you monologue, and still, we’re not on your side- don’t you see? You can’t convince us. We’ll have some epic light saber duel here anyways.”
*Bang*. “How bout if I just shoot you?”
“Would you look at that? I’m already shot,” and fell down. Dead. . That’s how it went.
The hero was dead. But this would only happen in real life, or in a villainous story, which is this one- a story all about villains, and starring Villainy (Couch Face).